Thank you for the gentle way
you invite us in with your smile
your eye contact
the way you listen
You know what consent looks like
You wait for it to be written all over our faces
before you lean in,
tenderly taking our cheeks in your hands,
slowly moving your lips towards ours
until they meet
for a dance
in which no one leads and no one wins
in which there is no objective
but a sensory experience of innocent pleasure
where nothing is assumed
but a connection between beings
in the present
moment.
Author’s Note
Engaging in verbal communication before you touch someone is respectful and is always a good idea. However, with the increasing cultural emphasis on getting verbal consent, there is isn’t an equivalent amount of discussion about how to give and read powerful nonverbal cues. That’s why I felt inspired to write this—I wanted to show my gratitude for men who are present, observant and non-attached in the way that they connect with women, both nonverbally and verbally.
In my experience, men who understand the art of seduction enjoy holding space for women without needing for it to “go” anywhere. They appreciate the connection in and of itself and invite women to be comfortably themselves through both verbal and somatic cues. If a woman’s body language coveys a relaxed openness because she feels safe, seen and not pressured, then and only then is initiating a kiss appropriate.
I’m glad that there is so much dialogue happening about getting verbal consent, but why aren’t we talking more about cultivating situational awareness and body language as precursors to asking, “can I kiss you?”
The Kiss of the Siren by Gustave Wertheimer
Janel Gazelle 